Introduction

Epiphany

Every few years or so, I find myself caught in situations which bear an uncanny resemblance to past episodes in my life, usually unpleasant, therefore giving rise to the old adage: " here we go again" to be immediately followed by "why me?"

And these events seem to be timed to strike just when I think I've had enough "punishment" for one lifetime...Or when it seems like I am doing well emotionally...at peace...the result of better living and attitude in general...I even have a list of what I think I am doing right and what I am doing wrong ( the latter section usually requiring a magnifying glass...wink, wink)

And when these events occur, I wonder what happened to principle of reaping what your sew. Worse, I begin to doubt everything, which usually ushers feelings of guilt and low self-esteem. That's when the real vicious cycle begins. You see, these "events" turn out to be the catalysts to the real show I like to call "hell within."

Why me, indeed.

Whatever the reason, it appears that knowledge has not equipped me to confront my demons, you know...to make them magically go away... Then, one day, I had an epiphany... And, before I tell you about it, I would like to mention that, for many years, I waited and waited for a sign...I was even caught flying a small plane in the now famous "perfect storm" ( I will write a whole section on that experience soon) ... and while experiences like these did a lot to reinforce my faith in the future, nothing, and I mean nothing, had a effect on me as a lone oil stain on the pavement, underneath my old car.

"Why Me?"

So I run outside to check it out. The oil stain was close enough to the right front tire (which had been low in pressure for some unexplained reason) I reach and touch the stain with my index finger. It's oil all right... Now, I am really unhappy. My whole life flashes before my eyes...I kid you not, this was the last thing I needed. And, right until then, I thought I've solved the problem by having had the clutch master cylinder replaced (the same time my carburetor started leaking, so I had that changed as well by the way) Well, now it turns out, there is a new leak from "somewhere..." And, while I knew there was no way for me to locate the source of the leak by lying flat on my stomach and fooling myself I can magically wedge myself under the car, what do I do? I try it anyway...

So, here I am, flat on my stomach, the right front tire staring me right smack in the face...and what do I see? I see the head of a Screw wedged in the tread! So THAT's why that tire was a little low. It so happened that the air leak was so small, it was almost went unnoticed...

Now, you may think I 'm nuts, but it's as if the car had this leak on purpose to point out to me the problem in the tire!

I won't bore you with the details of how I was able to find a garage on a Friday, at seven PM (or ...two-past-happy-hour) to fix my tire... The point I am making here is that, when I reached rock bottom, and lying on my stomach lamenting about my oil stain was a nice poetic touch, I saw a clear sign, one that I alone can understand and appreciate.

I know what you might be saying " why then, why there?"

Exactly.

You can spend your whole life looking for signs, building for a future, poised for success... Then, and practically stripped from your possessions, you are somehow able to achieve your potential.

I believe that's what is commonly referred to as "Irony."

I think Irony is God's way of remind us that, in the final analysis, none of this is real, and one day, we will wake up from this dream and realize how true that is. In the meantime...I have a new phrase...

"What next?"

Mario Henri Chakkour

New York city, August 27, 2000.

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